Galaxy Citizen one shot collection!
by theycallmedean
Summary: A group of one shots based on the Roleplay Starbound server of Galaxy Citizen! Follow our heroes as they fight edgyness, noobs, WTF-ery, and just plain random ass crap! Rated M for future weirdness.
1. Shep and Mega and the very edgy day

A long time ago, in the future...

in an edgy ass part of the Milky way known simply as the fringe...

Shep Caspan woke up on his ship. He got up, had a healthy breakfast of edgey-O's (the edgiest cereal on the market!) and whiskey, and beamed down to the outpost. As usual, nothing really interesting was happening. All of a sudden, a man named Mega came up to him. "SHEP OH MY GOD THEY'RE F***ING EVERYWHERE I CAN'T BELIEVE IT OH GOD!" He screamed. Shep had enough of his bullshit. "Mega," he said, "what shit have you been smo- Oooooh my god..." All of a sudden, Shep saw that everyone in the outpost was wearing black and red and grey clothing, holding badass looking yet powergamey weapons, and were acting like total f***ing goths.

"S**t!" Said Shep. "The edgelords are spreading!" Suddenly, Mega got up, and grabbed a bazooka. "Not to fear my alcoholic space ape! I'm here to save the day!" Mega shot the bazooka, only to miss an edgelord and blow up Minny. Shep was not amused.

"Alright, f**k this, we need lord Haydee!" Shep exclaimed as he grabbed his computer. He then sent ban reports to all the edgy characters for powergaming and poor RP. Suddenly, the legendary lord Haydee emerged! He spread out his hand, and with a single snap of his finger, everyone reverted back to normal!

"Finally, it's over," said Mega. "Now we can finally roleplay and live our lives in pea- Wait, Haydee?" "Yes Mega?" Said Haydee. "Where did you put all the edge?" Haydee suddenly realized that he was still holding a ball of highly volatile concentrated edge. "Oh hold up, I'll get rid of it." Shep and Mega both knew what he was going to do. "NO NO NO NO NO NO-"  
Haydee threw the ball on the ground, causing it to explode and destroy the whole outpost.

And then everyone died and lived happily ever after.


	2. Boltbone's fanfiction (NSFW)

VAGO FUCKS A DUCK FOR A BUCK AND GOT A BUCK FOR A FUCKED UP DUCK

BY BOLTBONE

TWAS' A QUIET DAY AT THE OUTPOST, SAVE FOR THE OCCASSIONAL YELLS FROM EDGELORDS GETTING INTO FIGHTS WITH EACHOTHER. VAGO KEPP, CEO OF D-TECH, WAS STRIDING AROUND LIKE THE FANCY SHOW PONY HE IS WHEN HE SAW A FAMILIAR RED-HEADED APEX. THIS WAS SHEP, HIS LONG TIME BUDDY AND LOVE INTEREST.

KEPP HAD BEEN CONSIDERING HOW HE WOULD SHARE HIS TRUE FEELINGS WITH HIS SENPAI, BUT IT WAS ONLY NOW THAT HE REALIZED HOW HE WOULD. HE RUSHED TO HIS LOCAL DRUG DEALER/FAGGOT, MASK, BOUGHT ALL OF HIS ELEPHANT TRANQUILIZER BECAUSE HE TOTALLY SELLS THAT ALONGSIDE NIGHTMARE SHADE OR WHATEVER THE FUCK HE CALLED IT.

STEALING A SYRINGE FROM FELDOR'S MEDICINE CABINET, HE RETURNED TO THE OUTPOST TO FIND SHEP DEEP IN CONVERSATION WITH THEIR SUBORDINATE, EYEWAFFLE. HE SNUCK UP ON THE DUO, INJECTING THEM BOTH WITH THE TRAINQUILIZER BEFORE THROWING EYEWINSCONSIN IN A DUMPSTER AND RUNNING OFF WITH SHEP.

ARRIVING AT HIS NOT-SO HUMBLE ABODE, VAGO RUSHED IN AND STRAPPED SHEP INTO HIS KINK DUNGEON HE BUILT FOR HIS MAID/SLAVE/WHATEVER THE FUCK SARAH IS. A FEW MOMENTS LATER, SHEP WOKE UP TO FIND VAGO STRAPPING ON SHADSS' ROBO DONG AND TAKING OFF SHEP'S PANTS.

SHEP, STILL HALF ASLEEP FROM THE TRANQUILIZER, THOUGHT NOTHING OF IT UNTIL VAGO SHOVED THE MIGHTY 2 FEET OF SOLID STEEL AND SPERM PRODUCTION BELTS UP SHEP'S INCREDIBLY TINY ANUS. SUCH A SENSUAL FEELING WOKE SHEP RIGHT UP, IN WHICH HE STARTED HOWLING LIKE THE DIRTY MONKEY HE IS. INCH BY PAINFUL INCH, VAGO SHOVED HIS JACKHAMMER INTO SHEP LIKE HOW A DOCTOR LANCES A PYLONDRIAL CYST. ACTUALLY THAT WAS A TERRIBLE SIMILE. IGNORE THAT.

ANYWAYS, HE WENT BALLS DEEP WITH SHEP, TO THE POINT OF SHEP BLEEDING OUT HIS ANUS LIKE HE WAS HAVING A MAN PERIOD, BUT HE WASN'T, AS VAGO WAS THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP. AFTER REMOVING IT, VAGO SMACKED SHEP A FEW TIMES WITH IT BEFORE TAKING HIM OUT OF HIS RESTRAINTS AND HAVING TEA. THE END. YOU SICK FUCK. WHY DID YOU MAKE THAT OTHER FANFIC, SERIOUSLY.

Boltbone turned from his computer, and looked at Dean. "Well?" He asked. Dean just stared at him. "I am never letting you use my account. EVER."


	3. Vine's edge lair

One day, in sector X….

Vine Stabber was in his edgy floran cave of edge! "Mu hah hah hah…. What shall I do today?" He asked himself. "Kill a man and eat him, destroy the outpost? Raid a bank? Oooh, I know, I'll-"

*Munch munch munch….*

"Wait, what the hell?" Vine looked over to his fridge, and eating everything in it, was a 400 lb hot pink avian. "Oh, hey!" Lyra said. "So…. Your door was open, and you had some pretty good food in here. Too bad most of what's in here are dead bodies."

"What the hell?" Said Vine, "get out of here, fatbort, or Vine will-" Suddenly, a Hylotl with huge knockers came up. "Oh my gosh, this is the PERFECT place to throw a Halloween performance!" Said Tayveen. "Dank environment, spooky things everywhere…. Bit edgy though, I can clean that up!"

Vine was outraged. "Alright, how do you people keep getting in my lair?!" Suddenly, a HUGE swarm of Galaxy Citizens swarmed through the entrance to Vine's lair, watching Tayveen perform her magic show.

Chaos. Chaos everywhere. Rashi was dancing on the table, Shep threw up on the couch, Lyra ate every fucking thing in the fridge, Haruka was bench pressing the table while Rashi danced on it, Mega was flirting with Blossom, and Shadss was in the corner, avoiding everyone.

Vine facepalmed. "F**k it, Vine is going to bed."


End file.
